Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
