if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
