he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
