Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize