i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
