Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
