I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
too bad you live with your parents still
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
