Swine flu. Run for my life!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
