At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
