I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
