butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
