is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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