I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
