shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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