Michael Bay diarrhea
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
