i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
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