addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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