That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
she looked like the before picture.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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