Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
