I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
