someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize