I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
