Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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