a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
