I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
