we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
