She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
