Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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