my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
