his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
