the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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