she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
