I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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