I'm so fucking centered right now
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This baby is an asshole
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
