That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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