remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
