Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
