I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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