I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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