your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Welp...herpes.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
