I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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