oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
