I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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