Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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