Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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