This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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