I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
