I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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