plz talk dirty to me
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
