my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
