I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
