If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
