My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
