dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize