And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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