And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Still dying that you shit outside
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
