I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The beer is more important than you right now.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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