i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
