I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
