Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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