you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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