we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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