dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
