i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
