Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
