erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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