He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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