you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
