I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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