We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
