We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
smell my finger.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
