I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
