I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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