we're blogging at a bar
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
