My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Who died my cat blue again?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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