I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
