Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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