what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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