I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
