new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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