whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
