the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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