somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he thought i was a dude.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
