i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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