I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
