So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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