Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
