she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
