She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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