You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
