She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
