Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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