Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
