If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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