My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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