when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
