Christians are straight up FREAKS
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
