Betty ford says i'm here all night
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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