i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
