I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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