I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
