I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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