I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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