Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
im holly from the hills drunk
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
