you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i love accidental penises.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
