No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
