Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I enjoy the company of your penis
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
